Say the Impossible
by Lil' Mad Alice
Summary: You let me slip and I fell. I blame all things on these bloody hands of mine. Those whose lives are gone now, I suffer for them...and so I cannot see you. I have to give them my word, my blood. So goodbye and farewell my love. Please review.
1. Grieving Soul

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Twilight Series at all. I do not own any of the characters from the series.

**AN:** Hello! Well this is my first fanfiction...well on this site and one I intend to finish up. Might take some time though. So anyways I hope you all enjoy it. This is after Eclispe, a bit later. Oh and this is in Bella's P.O.V.

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It's funny on how time passed so quickly, but yet it seemed like forever ago I left the alien green town I called home. I remember that one time I truly felt gone, when _he_ left me—lying there in the forest. Feeling beyond crushed—words held no meaning or status of how I felt for those months _he_ was gone and then learning that _he_ felt the same, guilt playing a bigger part. I look back now and laugh at how weak I was, on how mental I had gone without _him_ there, holding me, talking to me, telling me everything is okay. How sad and pathetic I was. How I should have stopped it all right there, if only I knew...

The air was still—the frigid air now settling in, the winter months are now setting in. I stood out on the red painted wooden porch. It creaked as I walked—being very aged. The red paint was chipping as well along with the cracked wood that bunched up on the slitted boards. Along the edges of the porch, small banisters stood neatly lined up—holding benches that squared around the aged wood.

My now golden eyes watched as few cars passed by, finding now much to do the night before. I usually waited till sunrise to do anything, the night sky was to dark for my taste and felt way to lonely.

It was about seven in the morning now, the sun was already slightly lighting the area with a dark blue hue. It lighted up the area, highlighting looming trees.

It was Sunday, meaning that I was to go to my new school tomorrow and start over again. Another year, another school.

No sooner was I lost in my own thinking, a noise erupted from my left. It did not cause me alarm—seeing as I already knew who it was. Even with knowing, I looked up, pushing my auburn hair from me face. Walking to me was John. John Rankin, the 'father' of this small vampire family that I had joined. It only consisted of John, Sylvia, Alison, and myself. We all use the last name of Rankin, seeing as it was John who helped me out of complete darkness. But most time I used my proper last name. Sylvia was almost as old as John—who was born in 1898 somewhere in England. He never said where, but I feel no need to pry in his own personal reasoning. They are my family now and I love them with all of my heart.

"You look rather tired, Bella," John mused in his thick accent. His voice was a smooth velvet, reminding me of...,"You should rest, my dear. Tomorrow you will have to start another year of school. Being tired will not help you out much. But I guess if you wish to skip tomorrow, that would be okay with me, but Sylvia would kill you. You know how she is...," he kept on talking. That was one habit he had that I hated. He never knows when to just stop talking and listen. His mouth was moving, but my mind was elsewhere.

I _was_ tired. I always was, ever since I left Forks...and the state. Even with this new status of being a 'Cold One', my muscles always ached for no reason, my head always throbbing with a minor headache that never disappeared. Another thing was that I was always hungry, but I can't spend all my life hunting animals to feed on. Another funny and ironic thing was that I had a taste for wolf blood. Oddly enough, right?

"Bella?" John voice broke my train of thought. I picked up my head from my hands, straightening my slouch back. I clasped my hands together and placed them on my lap, my eyes now tracing them, trying not to much to seem as if I drifted off, but he knew. He always did

"I'm sorry...," my voice was nothing but a whisper as it leaked from my parted lips.

"Don't worry 'bout it. I'm use to it now," he laughed in a husky let-out, taking a seat next to me,"You know Bella, I still wonder about you. I mean why go through what you are right now? Depressed, alone, sad, unmotivated. It hurts to see you like this. Please talk," he was concerned. I could tell by the way he was talking, the way his voice wavered.

"I can't...not now. I just need some time t get a bit more use to things. Right now I know if I speak of it, I will go mental or something. I just want to stay in this town a bit longer than we usually do. To rest," my voice was again a whisper, but it still showed my tiredness.

"You don't have time to rest, my dear. Unless you want to move again," his voice lingered—trying to give me a hint that I was obviously not getting.

"Why not?" I snapped in a stern voice. I was tired and he was only making my mind go ways that are not needed.

"_They're_ here," John's voice was monotone, but even with his attempt of shredding emotion from the small statement, my eyes widened. I couldn't believe it. Already? How? Even being a vampire, I was pathetic. I couldn't even sense others from a distance. I suddenly felt rather light-headed, but I kept my focus. If _they_ were here, I must leave. I must run. I must do anything to get away from that family.

"_They're_ here right now. _They_ are in this town. As we speak right now, _they_ are settling in a house not far from here, but a good distance," his voice trailed off, his own golden eyes falling onto me. He was watching the emotion flicker on my face,"You should really speak with Edw-"

"Shut up!" I yelled, feeling tears well up in my eyes. I clenched my hands into fist, tightly closing my eyes, and turning my head back around, lowering it. Once again I was hiding my face. Guilt rose up high in me, anger growing more and more. But the one emotion I felt among them all was the need to see him,"Never. Don't you ever suggest that I speak to _him_. Just stop please. I can't take this anymore," my voice was chocked up by my sobs. My vision was blurred when I opened my eyes, clouded by familiar tears,"I can't...I just can't. I'm so sorry...," my voice cracked once again. I always found myself apologizing to him for moving so much or for the way I act. We had to move frequently because they always followed me, but I will never allow myself to see _them_. Never.

"It's alright. I understand," John paused a moment, letting out a long sigh,"So are we going or staying? We've been moving a lot this year already, but no matter where _they_ will follow you. Bella, let's just stay here for some time. Listen, I will not ask of you to face _them_, but think about it. _They_ just want to talk. And Sylvia and Alison would be devastated to leave again. Talk to _him_ mainly, _he_ misses you beyond comparison. Just think about it, Bella. Well, I'm going to go check on those two girls, they are looking for what to wear tomorrow at school," he then stood, towering over me like always. He looked down with a gentle smile on his face, causing me to smirk. No matter what, when he smiled I found myself doing the same.

"I will John," my smile grew a bit more when he walked away, waving to me. I turned my head forward, the sun was finally over the horizon, peeking over the awakening land. The sky was painted in a light blue, out lined in lavender as a light pink etched around the rising orb. I was still crying, the thought of seeing them again made my heart wretched out in pain and quilt, the more I thought about it, the more I cried.

I know what I have to do. For John, for Sylvia, for Alison, for me, and for _them_. I have to face my fears, my guilt...my pain. I know if I keep on running, I would eventually have gone made. I would lose all that I care for, all that I have worked for.

I know what I have to do as soon as possible. I have to face the Cullens.

But, I know I won't be able to do so anytime soon. I'm scared to put it into simple terms. I'm scared of what might happen, scared that it might hurt more after speaking to them. Terrified of what they might think of me now—seeing as how I left without a word or even a note, but they knew as well I as did on why I ran. And I'm still trying to piece together why they might be after me...unless they want me dead...No, that can't be. Even after all that has happened, I know with all my heart that they still do care for, I know they do not wish to harm me.

I know they still love me...so why am I so afraid of seeing them again?

I want to see them, I want to talk to them, to laugh, to argue. I want it all, anything would do. I want to be able to call them family again, to hear them call me name. I know I'm still selfish as I have always been. I wouldn't blame the Cullens if they wanted to yell at me or worse...I would want to do the same to myself.

My eyes trailed down to my hands that laid on my lap flatly. I still had that ring he had given me. I wore it all the time, I never took it off. I guess that I am afraid of putting it away. Deep down I knew I was afraid to take it off, maybe one day I will be able to take it from my finger, but until that day come, I will hold this ring with my soul, never to let it go. I figured I would keep my name as well, Bella Cullen. Seeing how I was not a Swan anymore, and that was another fear I had. No longer being able to call myself anything, but if I kept Cullen with me I figured I might as well be worth something. One thing for certain was that Edward would not want me as his wife anymore. I mean, I haven't seen him in years. If it makes him happy I will give the ring back and reclaim myself as a Swan, but until then, this ring is mine.

How I miss him, how I miss his crocked smile, his bronze hair...

More tears ran down my face. I couldn't help it anymore. I want to see him now, I don't want to wait till he finds me. I want to be the one to return, to say that everything is okay and we can live with together. If only things were that simple.

I broke out into a sob, whimpers escaping my mouth. No matter what I thought, I continued to weep. I clasped my hands over my face to stop the noise, but it failed. I hunched over in utter sorrow. Why? Why did I have to force Edward into turning me? It's all my fault this happened the way it did, it always was.

"Edward..."


	2. Another School

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the _Twilight Series_ at all. I do not own any of the characters from the series.

**AN:** Yay, another chapter.I had this slightly done right after I posted up the first chapter, so I'm going to put it up and work on the next one. It's rather short, but enjoy. -

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Sunday went by quickly, too quickly, I spent most of my day with Sylvia and Alison—watching them throw fits over who was going to wear what. In my personal opinion, Sylvia—who was Spanish, should wear earth tones. It would go with her black hair, plus she was rather short. The dark colors would take away from her height. And as for Alison, she looked good in bright colors. Her hair was a light blond, so it would look nice. But when they would stop fighting, they would direst their attention to me, complaining on how I dressed. they would complain often on what I wore or about my hair, though I do not blame them to much. My hair was longer now, down to my lower back. I have also taken notice on my looks that have improved greatly since I have changed. My skin was softer, and my looks, I must say, are doll-like I dressed 'boring' according to them I just dressed in a t-shirt, my favorite fitting black jacket and a pair of faded blue jeans. Nothing much, but I felt more comfortable that way.

So now it was Monday—the day I have been dreading for some time now. Starting school...again. Sylvia was beyond excited about the new year, mostly because she figured out the 'perfect' outfit to wear—bright beaming colors. Alison was the same with her clothes and the new year.

As mush as I was dreading going anywhere, I found myself oddly eager to go to school this year. I couldn't wait till I was in the bright halls, seeing more people. I didn't really know why though, just an odd rush of anxiety, but I know I would have to overcome it and calm down.

No sooner had I found myself getting ready, I found myself in front of the school with John, Sylvia, and Alison. We were in John's car, I was sitting in the back with Sylvia—who was singing to the annoying pop music. Alison sat up in the passengers side, talking to John about getting more clothes, which he was obviously saying no to. I sat silently, my eyes settling out in the gathering mass of students, walking in and out. It was a rather small school, but much larger than I had originally thought for a farming community. We were in Ohio...Madison to be more correct. It was a rather ideal place to live—I like it.

"Bell Bell, put your hair up,"mused Sylvia as she tugged on a lock of my hair. She looked at me with a child-like expression, her signature look.

I sighed in defeat, grabbing a random hair-tie from the cup holder between John and Alison. Sylvia liked it when my hair was up, which I had to agree on. I quickly tied my hair up, looking back at her for approval.

A smile erupted onto Sylvia's face,"Perfect," she cooed,"So Bell Bell...are you going for a junior this year of a senior?"

"Junior," I whispered slightly, looking at myself in the mirror that Alison kept in the car—making sure that my hair was in place. Trying to make it look as perfect as possible.

"Yay! So maybe we can convince them to give us the same classes. Won't that be fun?" she laughed, loving the idea.

"Sure," I answered in a rather lazy smile, trying to add more enthusiasm to my voice.

"Don't be so stiff, Bell Bell. Loosen up some and have fun. Take joy in what life gives you. Don't be so stern this year, please?" I know she was joking, but it hurt when she sad it.

How could I have fun at all?

"I'll try," another forced, lazy response.

"Everyone out! Go get signed up for school," John called out in a frustrated voice as he quickly switched off the radio, causing Sylvia to loose focus on me and hit him lightly on the head in anger.

"We have time!" cried out Sylvia, looking at Alison for support.

"Yeah, so stop pushing," Alison snapped, crossing her arms to her chest, glaring at John in a fury,"Plus it's a bit to crowded still. Can't we wait till school starts and come in like five minutes after?"

I knew he was slightly joking, so I did not say anything. In all honesty I would have taken it and left. But I had to wait for my 'sisters'.

"John, aren't you going to go to school this year?" Sylvia asked in a curiosity, her face showing confusion.

"I am, but now till tomorrow,"John was of the appearance of a twenty-year-old, but he went to school most of the time with us, but only doing his senior year.

"Aw, come on John!" Sylvia wined, leaning over and trying to give him her famous innocent expression, but it failed...miserably.

"Yeah, sign up," called out Alison.

"No girls, tomorrow. I have things to do today," he said rather sternly, waving all three of us off.

We all out got out of the car in unison closing the doors at the same time as well. We watched as he drove off, all three of us standing together. Sylvia and Alison were talking nonsense once again. My eyes wondered around the school, taking in all that I could. Curious eyes already settle on us, something we were all use to by now. We started to walk down the sidewalk that led to the office. The school was rather flashy looking in a way, but it did not hold my interest...until my eyes scanned over the parking lot. From the corner of my eyes...I spotted a silver Volvo. Shock ran through rather fast, feeling my mouth grow increasingly dry.

Even with the shock, I felt myself laugh a little and smile. After all these years, you think that he would have gotten a newer car. My pace slowed as I looked at it, but then I felt hands on my wrist. I looked up quickly. Alison and Sylvia were pulling me along with amused looks.

"Come, Bell Bell," Sylvia cooed with a wide smile on her face, causing me to continue mine.

"Yeah, Bella. Don't slow us down," laughed Alison, teasing me a bit, but it was all good game.

"Right," I picked up my pace, they released my wrist as we walked together, side-by-side. I loved these girls, they were my sisters. We fought as much as we laughed—and we still all understood one another.

No, after I see the Cullens again, I will need their help because I know Edward is waiting for me.


	3. Tears

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Twilight Series at all. I do not own any of the characters from the series.

**AN:** Another (short) chapter. Yet again I finished it rather early. Enjoy!

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Sylvia and Alison had already signed up for school before I even had a chance to talk to the secretary. They sighed up as Alison and Sylvia Rankin, though the lady behind the desk stared at them warily, taking note of how different they looked from one another (they were claiming to be twins.). Though Sylvia was a vampire, her skin kept a darker tone than most of us. Her skin was a light tan, while the rest of us were on the verge of actually being white. They quickly received their proper paper work, giving it back to the lady quickly, as if they had no time to waste. They then turned on their heels, walking out of the small office. The smiled and wave before they took foot out, waiting for me just outside.

I hesitated a bit, but took up courage and stepped forward. The lady the eyed me as I placed my hands on the desk,"I'm Bella Cullen...I'm here to sign up for school here," my eyes settled on her, but again started to dart around the room, taking in the new sight. I then took my focus on her once more, not wanting to seem so rude. Out of nowhere I felt a rush of claustrophobia, feeling too cramp in the small area. I let out a held in breath, trying to calm myself of hyperventilating.

The secretary shuffled through many files, pulling out many papers for me to fill out. a smile crossed her wrinkled face, making me a bit more at ease,"We had some sign up Friday by the name of Cullen," she laughed softly at the coincidence, but I did not find anything to laugh about. The easiness I felt was now gone with the nerves I had built up. I know they were here, but being already in the school meant they were here before we were. I felt a bit angry at the thought knowing that they knew I was going to be here and landed her days before I had. John must have known that...he knows were they are always at. I had almost forgotten that Alice had that ability to see what I was going to do before I do it...anger rose a bit more. Not at the Cullens, but at John. He led me here, knowing full well that they had planned it as well.

"Really? How odd," I forced a smile, trying to pry the anger from my voice and face. Truly today was to be interesting.

"Well, Miss Cullen. I need you to fill some things out and I will return with your classes and locker number," she smiled a toothy one, putting a small stack of paper in front of me with a pen lying on the top. I started to quickly fill them out, answering few questions she was asking from the backroom. As as I was finished, she showed up with my schedule in hand.

"Welcome to Madison, I hope you enjoy it here."

"Thank you and I will try."

The senior and junior halls were crowded with many people. I walked around, bumping into people, swerving the avoid hitting them. I was by myself now, trying to figure out where everything was so I didn't look as stupid to ask for directions. Alison and Sylvia were off somewhere else, trying to make, yet again, another great reputation among the humans. I honestly didn't care what they thought of me, if they like me, great. If not, oh well. I'm not here to make friends.

I was not walking down a narrow hallway that had the consulars office alongside the nurse's. The walls were painfully white, reflecting all light that was casted. The floor was a dingy tan, tiled with speckles of random colors. The smell of the place took me off guard. It was only a week into school for the people who have started since the beginning of the year, and yet the smell of junk food flooded into my nose, making my stomach churn in disgust.

As I walked, many have started to stare. Looking at me with interest and a bit of hate. Again it must be the way I look, so pale, so graceful. An oddity. It was more boys than anything else, I found that extremely annoying. I just wanted to smile a mocking one and hold up my left hand and yell: "Sorry married!" But that would not be appropriate at all.

As I exited the tight smelly hallway, I noticed a large room to my left. Glass covered it's front. Red panning made small squares in a geometric design, catching my interest. I stood and examined it for some time, noticing that it was the media center, A.K.A., the library. I sighed in relief. I know have a place to hang out before school and doing what I loved; to read. It looked flashy like the rest of the school, but the area looked big enough to at least hold a few good books.

I entered slowly, still wary of the school. As I looked in from behind the cracked open door, I spotted many selves, hundreds of books lining up in a neat order. All were categorized differently depending on their genre. Long tables sat in the middle of the room, there was about four of them, each having four chairs to them. I looked around a bit more, seeing five desks with computers on them, papers laying over top the screen of the machines. I peered over to my left, seeing a long standing desk, a computer sitting at the curve of the table. Books were piled up everywhere, along with paper. A lady came out from behind a bookshelf, many books laid in her arms until she huffed over to the table, letting them slam on the wood. She wiped her forehead and began to go through the books, writing in them, stamping them, and putting them on selves of their type.

I entered fully, still be a bit cautious of the place. I was fascinated by how many books they had. It was like my own personal wonderland, where I could my free time reading to my pleasure. I scanned over the selves, looking for anything that would catch my eye, and something did. To suit my fancy, I strolled over to the fantasy/realism section. As I did, the librarian stared at me a bit, looking at me as if I was a ghost. She most likely did because of the way I looked or another reason was most likely because the place was empty and I took her by surprise. Either way I made my way to the books that might comfort me some.

As I neared the books, I read the title quickly, sadly enough none of them taking much of my interest. Most were rather thin for my taste, looking as if they should belong to a first grader. Now my newly found comfort zone was rather much destroyed by the lack of quality of the books. And to add on to that, I read more than half of the titles they had. I guess I set myself up for disappointment though. I was just hoping that today would have gotten better.

As soon as I was about to turn around to leave the sad sight, I felt a familiar presence hovering over me. Not exactly behind me, but I felt someone watching me and they were not human. I was actually quite scared of who it might be...for all I know it's just some human making looks at me—but I knew it was not, as much I wish it was, it was not.

I quickly turned on my heel. My eyes widened at the sight. At the entrance of the media stood the one person who knew me better than I do myself. I stood still, my body not reacting to my thoughts. I wanted to run, to flee to another city, state, anywhere but here and now. I wanted to do anything, but my body tensed up.

He stood in stood in a lazy stand, his hands placed in his pockets of his jeans. He looked so tried, so worn out...his face was looking down, I could see nothing but the tousled bronze hair that I have always loved. He finally looked up, his butterscotch hues looking up at me with and intense stare. It was full of so many emotions; love, worry, sadness, depression. I can't stand it, I can't...

"Edward."

We stood, holding each other's gazes. If only I could break his stare, if only I was strong enough. If only I knew by now I was crying—my face felt warm. I wanted to see if I was, but I was afraid to move. Seeing him now only made me more edgy, it was to early to look at him, to face him.

He watched me without blinking—as if I would vanish again if he looked away.

"Bella," Edward whispered in an almost inaudible voice. He started to walk up to me slowly, but finally stopping, keeping a safe distance from me. He looked at me in anguish. He raised his left hand up and held it out for me. I only stared at his face until a glitter caught the corner of my eyes—it was coming from his hand. I switched my look quickly, taking me by complete surprise. He was still wearing his ring. How still wore it? Why? Did he still love me? Not possible, not now. I know I was crying now, on the verge of sobbing loudly. Tears streamed down my porcelain skin, falling off in a rush.

Why did he still love me? He deserves so much better than me. He always has...

"Don't cry," he said aloud, but still in a low voice. He took another step forward, stopping suddenly as he saw me flinch from his advancement to me, but he continued as I looked back up at him with wet eyes,"Please," he whispered in another attempt to calm me, but failing greatly.

He now stood in front of me, eyeing me with what looked like a small smirk, but I quickly looked down, closing my eyes tightly. No, not now, not here.

"Bella," his voice sent shivers up my spine. His voice so smooth, so perfect. I wanted to look up at him, but I knew if I did, I would have been lost in his eyes again. Trying to find my way out.

Out of nowhere, someone grabbed my right hand. My head snapped up. It was Sylvia, she held my hand with both of hers, her face showing concern and a bit of anger,"Bell Bell, come on," she pulled on my hand, raising my attention further more. Her eyes looked so sad while looking at me, as if she was about to cry herself. Her gaze then snapped to Edward, who was standing looking at only me until she looked up at him. Their eyes met and I could feel the tension rise up. She showed much hate towards him, so only God knows why. She didn't even know him,"Now," her voice was stern, pulling me to the side.

As she dragged me, I couldn't help but look at him. He looked so torn, so sad as he watched me walk away. I cried more,"Later," I mouthed as I took one last look at him. He raised his head a bit, cocking an eyebrow and giving me that smile I loved so much, but then he was gone from the corner that blocked my view.

My mind was buzzing with so many thoughts, I couldn't even keep up with them. I stopped crying instantly, feeling much better than I had been. Though still scared, I figured, maybe, we can talk later. I wanted to see him again, but with a different appearance. Not that one he saw—weak, sad, pathetic. I want to show him how strong I can be, though I might have ruined it by now...who cares?

I still want Edward Cullen...


	4. Notes of Forgiveness

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the _Twilight Series_ at all. I do not own any of the characters from the series.

**AN:** Woot! Another chapter!!!

Sorry for reposting it...I had to fix a few mistakes on this chapter.

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My luck will never change. Never. Even if I am a different creature now, Lady Luck still down on me with an glare.

I rushed through the small hallways, trying to keep my pace fast without running. the first bell had already rang, meaning all students were to report to their classes. That's the last thing I needed was to have me on the teacher's bad side. I hated being late anyways, but it was all Sylvia's fault, dragging me off like that.

She had walked me to a small bathroom in the girl's locker room, making sure that no one was there to see my whimpering face. As soon as we entered, she grabbed toilet paper and started to wipe my red eyes, telling me to stop crying. She said _I_ was acting childish. Oh yeah, she would know that one well. Our conversations did go well either.

_"Bell Bell, stop crying. Your eyes will only get wetter," Sylvia snapped with a disappointing look._

_"I know, I'm sorry," I said in a low tone, calming myself down with the thought of calming her down._

_"So...," she paused, biting her bottom lip on trying to find the right words to say to me. She looked rather puzzled, as if her own words confused her,"Who was that?" she snapped out finally, anger in her eyes. I suddenly remembered the glare she gave him before pulling me away, the disgusted look she had._

_"No one," I quickly spoke, trying to get the subject off her mind._

_"Bell Bell," she said in a sorrowful tone, glancing up at me with gleaming eyes,"I can just ask him myself. On why he was making my sister cry, making her all upset. I don't need your permission anyways," her voice was rather deep and hissing, as if to upset me more and it did work, but I held on strong._

_She looked so angry, as if I did something to her that she could never forgive. I sighed, feeling her leave as soon as I closed my eyes. She was so hard to understand sometimes. Maybe she saw something in Edward that was dangerous, but I knew him too well and she did not. She was so immature._

It hurt me by the way she acted, like she knew what was going on. She had no clue, nor did Alison. John and the Cullens were the only ones who knew of what I have done and why I ran as fast as I could. I thought it was fair, I lied to them on why I joined their family, lied about who I knew, where I was from and everything about me. But now it was gaining on me from behind. I felt like prey to my predatorial past. I had no where to run now, or even a place to hide. But I have to do something. I can't go talking to the Cullens now, not so soon after what happened earlier. I'm still weak on seeing Edward, seeing them all and explaining it to Alison and Sylvia...that would utterly crush me right now.

I finally made it back to me first class of the day—honors english. I peered into the small glass square that sat in the middle top of the door, seeing if I was _too_ late to join class now. Posters telling 'you to be yourself' and 'don't be a follow' cluttered the neon white walls along with many posters of book covers and writings. A long black chalk board sat in front of the small class, hanging on the wall with white writing clouding up the black surface. Seats were lined in neat rows, crowded already with talking, sleeping students.

To my greater—smaller side of luck, the noise from the room would cover up getting caught. That if I get caught, unlikely though. The teacher's back was turn to me, looking at his computer with an intense glare. I could slip in without him noticing me, without being seen, unnoticed.

I hurried my way in eyeing the teacher just in case he turns around without a warning. My eyes occasionnally glanced over the mass of students, finding a empty seat in the back, in the far left. I liked this class better now. I enjoyed sitting in the back anyways, so I would enjoy it a bit more. I gracefully glided to my seat, slumping quickly into the blue plastic chair. I placed my binder on the cold fake wood, my eyes still wondering about the room, but only on my side, the left where the windows were.

There was a beautiful view. I could see the sun looming overhead, the clouded blue sky. Trees...and more trees. Giving this boring place a bit of new life. Light leaked through the hole in the thick white puffs, making the light caress the land with a gloomy tint, gloomy, dark, and depressing, but still I rather liked it. It was better than a day with the sun out and causing me to sweat beyond belief.

I looked up my row with a bit of curiosity, most were talking. Talking like Alison and Sylvia. Unimportant things that don't matter to life. Others were sleeping, I found that amusing. I had truly forgotten that humans were worn out of the first day, even if school had just begun. They all must have been worried the night before and lost sleep. I missed sleeping myself...

Out of nowhere I felt a finger poke my shoulder. It came from my right. Once again a family presence washed over me and my body once again tensed up like before in the media center. I was hoping, wishing, praying that it was not...

I turned my head slightly, still afraid of who it might be. To my luck. To my dreadfully un-working, unreliable, undeniably the worst luck of all time—to my right was Edward. Sitting silently with his head propped up in his hand, he watched me with curious eyes. A small smile on his face...but he looked tired, like he had just woken up from a short night of sleep. His hair was still rather messy, his eyes looking like they were about to close and send him off to sleep—but sadly sleep would never come to him...nor me.

He still looked gorgeous as ever...

"You said later," he mused in a husk voice, his smirk grower a bit, his eyes hopeful now. I _did_ say later...but this was not later. This was...soon. Too soon. I was a bit baffled, unable to find words in my mouth. I felt stupid just sitting there. After all this time he could still smile at me and talk—even after all that I have done to him. I felt guilty now more than ever, he did deserve so much better. He really did. I knew that, the Cullens knew that...it's sad how selfish I am that I am so afraid to permanently loose him.

"Edw-," I was cut off by the teacher, who coughed loudly, then stood. Catching all of the awake students attention, even mine. I pulled my gaze from Edward, looking up with a sigh of relief. Saved by a teacher. Who would have thought? I shuffled in my seat, leaning back in the hard plastic, trying to keep my eyes off of Edward, who was still looking at me intently. I instantly felt nervous. Reminding me of when I was human and he watched me, how I would blush when he did, how my heart sped up, but now...now I just felt like I did something wrong.

"Good morning class. I see we have a new student here...," he talked and talked, none of it getting to me. It was the same thing I heard year after year, teacher after teacher. This one would be no different from the rest. I sighed as he began to pass out many papers for me. Rules, medical emergency forms, contracts on the rules...it went on and on. I should have just started on the first day of school here, I felt like the odd one out,"I'm Mr. Banner, your english teacher. What is your name?" he asked out of nowhere, catching my attention.

I stared up for a moment, catching my words once again,"Bella Cullen," I bit my tongue after that. From the corner of my eye, Edward looked rather shocked. his stare feeling more intense now. I knew I was sweating now. I should have used Rankin, but I didn't and now another question Edward had to ask me, I'm sure he had plenty to begin with.

"Miss Cullen...isn't that odd. We have another Cullen here as well...," the man paused, looking through papers, putting his finger to the bottom of his chin, but then standing up straight again from his desk,"So Miss Cullen...what do you like to do? Where are you from?" he asked me and I failed to speak for a moment. I wanted to hiss at him and yell: _"It's not Miss, it's Mrs."_ but I held my anger.

I spoke in embarrassment, eyes setting on me now. You think teachers would not make new students do this anymore, especially in a junior class. But I spoke with a smooth voice, without flaw,"Well I like to sing and I am from Forks...Washington," I bit my bottom lip some, hoping that would satisfy the man. He smiled in my way of talking.

"Welcome to Madison, Miss Cullen," he seemed rather joyed to have another student to teach, the others in class kept their eyes steady on me for some time, but broke free when Mr. Banner started to talk about the days lesson plan, groans left some peoples mouths, but I sat still. I should have just gotten up and left, I should have skipped the year of school. It was not needed, I was well educated enough.

As soon as I had my attention at the teacher, I felt a jabbed at me arm, it was Edward, pushing a notebook at me. I stared at it for a moment, wondering if I should take it or not. Passing notes felt...so juvenile. But I looked up at him, he was smiling...my smile. I sighed in defeat and grabbed it quickly, trying to avoid looking at him, just in case my I would faint for some God given reason.

I opened it quickly, the first page was written on...a note to me.

_It's been to long, Bella Cullen. I like that you kept the name. It still makes me smile when I hear it._

I read in shock...he did still love me. I dropped my mouth a bit, feeling it dry p from anxiety. He acted so casual about it, like nothing bad happened at all...I scribbled down my own thoughts quickly...my writing was still as messy as ever. I then shoved it back to him. I kept my head down, facing forward.

It probably would hurt more to see him now, but I glanced up as he read.

_**It has...why are you guys following me? I'm surprised your even talking to me at all. How can you even look at me and smile? I can't even smile at myself.**_

He chuckled a bit as he started to write something back, again pushing it to me.

_How can I not look at you? You seem to get more beautiful as time passes. Smiling is all I can do now. And to answer your first question: We are following you because you are family. You are my wife and I will always follow you until I catch up with you. Like it or not, your stuck with me, no matter what you did. Bella Cullen, you are my love, my one and only. I will not loose you because you can't accept that we forgive you...we know what you did. We saw it and yet we failed in stopping you, but wouldn't Charlie and Renée want you happy?_

I about lost it as I read on, loosing the control I had gained on myself. I felt my tears fill my eyes again. Charlie...Renée...God I miss them. I read it over again and again, trying to still grasp the writing.

I finally wrote back quickly, pushing to him.

_**How? How can you forgive me like that? How? After what I did? You can't possibly say that. I can't even forgive myself. After the years I felt alone, scared, depressed. You can't expect me to just be happy again...ever again. Edward, please just let me be for some time...please?**_

_Of course...we all have time to give. Can we talk? Or is that out of the question?_

_**Of course we can talk, later maybe. I can talk if you drive me home...alone. I can't handle another Cullen as of now. I just want to talk to you...**_

_Naturally. I'll wait for you after school then. And Bella, love. Don't be so afraid of life and fate. Yes you have done wrong but so have I, Alice, Emmet, Rosalie, everyone who is of our kind has at least done something wrong. Just know I'm her to comfort you. Whenever. I love you._

_**Thank you, but I need more time. Surely you understand. Edward...I love you too. See you after school. Or if you are going to follow me all day like you did when I was human, see you around.**_

I returned his notebook, as he reached, his hand grasped my. I looked up quickly at him. He smiled wildly, his eyes gleaming like honey,"Bella Cullen...you are still my only love," he said in a matter-of-factly voice, trying to see if I would respond. He said it as if I didn't know...to confirm what he had written earlier. I smiled briefly, a pained smile. He finally took back the notebook, still keeping his eyes on me.

I watched in return,"Edward," I spoke quietly as if someone was to hear me,"You are still my only love," I smiled back. Mocking him slightly. He seemed rather amused by it, he cocked an eyebrow. He sat up a bit, as if to speak to me, but kept quite. Silence was great...I knew he understood me enough not to speak now. He would get his chance later on. On our ride home.

His love for me is as strong as my love for him, but good things all have to come to an end...all things.


	5. Indulgence

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the _Twilight Series_ at all. I do not own any of the characters from the series.

**AN:** Woot! Finally. Sorry but this chapter is rather crappy in my opinion, writer's block I guess.

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Edward was silent, I was uneasy. And so let the talking begin...

The ride to my house was an unsettling quite. The silence was making my ears bleed. I knew he wanted to talk to me, he has been trying to all day, but now he was so quite I was gaining a annoying headache. He is having his chance to say anything, to ask anything, but he remained silent driving, not even glancing my way once.

My eyes were looking outside, watching the green blurs of trees pass by quickly. He still drove fast, faster than I like. I don't even like to run fast. My eyes would glance over at him, to make sure he was still there. I was so nervous, maybe I did something wrong? Did I make him mad earlier in the day...? But I did nothing of the sort to make him upset. I talked to him a lot today, just a few words, but I talked. He looked rather caught in his own thinking, his eyes looked off into the distance. Maybe he was rethinking on talking to me...or even to try to bring me back to the Cullens...no, he wouldn't do anything just for himself, he thought about me in the equation as well.

Before I knew it again, we were in the asphalt driveway of my home, his car turned off. I didn't even notice we had stopped, shows how much I pay attention these days. I looked to my right, at my house, but then my gaze lingered over to Edward—he was hunched forward, his hands on top of the steering wheel. His face was hiding behind, his now, shaggy bronze hair. His forehead was on his hands, his face leaning down. He looked like he was sleeping, but that was not possible.

I looked at him, wandering if he was just waiting for me to get out. I took it as a yes after a minute of waiting for him to respond—I opened to door slowly, still my thoughts were wondering if he was even in the realm of the awake. I then took my right foot and placed it on the ground outside, my eyes still locked on him. He suddenly turned his face towards me, keeping the side of his head on his hands. He opened his eyes slightly, looking beyond tired,"Can I come in?" his voice was rather husky and distant.

If I let him in...hopes would rise that were false and not needed. But he looks so sad...curse the human emotions, curse myself in being pulled in,"Of course," my words betrayed me, they stung as I spoke.

"Thanks," he smiled wearily, slipping out from his side of the car.

I gave him a brief smile before he slide out. I then glanced over to the house as I got out, standing with curious eyes. The house was empty...meaning that Alison and Sylvia had most likely convince poor John that they needed more clothes and little 'cute' things for their room. They wouldn't be home for hours now. It did happen often ,so I was not surprised in the least.

We walked in silence, once again it was killing me. And to make it hurt even more, he didn't even look my way.

Once again I was so lost in my own thinking to not even realize that we were inside my house. Who would have figured that I would be so air-headed in one day? I shuffled my way in, walking over many pairs of shoes—Alison's and Sylvia's...of course. I didn't pay mush attention to the living room, which by now was most likely a mess of clothes and paper. I ignored the could be mess and started to walk to my room, which was only a few feet away. It was down a long hallway, the first room to the right. Further down was the bathroom, John's room and Alison and Sylvia's room.

I hung a right, walking into my room with a slow hesitant pace. Edward was tagging along like a lost puppy. But when I stepped into my room, he stopped at the doorway, leaning against it, watching me with a cocked eyebrow. He must have been making fun of the way my room looked—he was smiling, stifling a laugh.

My room was a sight to be seen. It was a small room with white walls and one window right across from the wooden door. The window was covered up by a heavy dark curtain, blocking all light from entering. To the far left, a white sheeted matrice laid in the corner, a black blanket was on top of it along with a light blue pillow. I know there was no reason for me to even have a bed, but it was more comfortable than lying down on a hard wooden floor. Next to my bed was a large cardboard box that held my clothes, but it was also my nigh stand. The lids of the box were closed, on top of the box were books, lots and lots of books, they even littered my floor. Then at the foot at my bed was my laptop. My precious little machine. It held all of my writing, music and my favorite software. It was hooked up to a printer and scanner. Cords were tied up behind it, falling onto the floor.

"Homey," Edward chuckled from behind me—looking around my 'homey' room. My back was to him still, I was also looking myself. My room wasn't much, but I liked it. I could still hear him laugh lightly, making a bit more nervous. He acted so calm, so cool about things. Surely he felt how uneasy I was. He had to, he was so good at that.

"I guess," I murmured under my breath. I then itched the back of my head, feeling around in my head for something intelligent to say, but once again nothing came up. It felt so awkward.

From behind me, I heard my door close, but before I could turn around, Edward had his arms around my waist, holding me still—even though I couldn't move even if I wanted to, my body wasn't listening to me again, my muscles tense. He was pressed against me, his face buried in my hair—his breath was on my neck, sending chills all over my body. I could feel my face burn red with the moment—another human trait I hated with a passion. When he felt me twitch, he only gripped me tighter against him, pressing my back to him even more,"You still smell so heavenly," I could hear the smile in his amused voice, his right hand tracing a line on my stomach, tracing it farther up, the middle of my chest and his hand stopped. My head felt light. He was wanting something and I knew what that was...but so did I,"I've missed you so much."

Before I would even speak, I was on the floor on my back. He was over top of me, looking down at me with a bit of a smile. He held my wrist down with his hand. I lost my voice, I had actually had something to say, but now it was lost in this moment that was making my body run hot.

"When are you coming back?" he asked in a bit of a serious voice, but he seemed to try to keep it light. But it did not work. What kind of question was that? I would never go back. Why wold he ask that at all? And so soon after seeing me. He was obviously anxious to hear my answer, wanting me to return without a second thought.

"What the hell?" I poke in a rather harsh tone. My anger took over like that, asking so soon, not thinking of me but himself...,"No! You can't be asking that. So soon, we haven't even really talked, Edward. You have no right to ask me when I will come back...ever. Did you ever consider that I might return on my own record?" I snapped. I didn't mean to, but my anger was not under my control. I always had outburst about something.

"Bella...I didn't mean to upset you," Edward leaned back a bit but still held me down, staring at me with concerned eyes. I looked back with crossed eyebrows, glaring at him in return, I didn't care what he said now, all I thought about was him asking my when I would return. So much for my talk with him, I was better off walking home instead of taking that ride with him. Stupid emotions.

"Bella. Please talk. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you so angry...are you truly that upset about coming back or is it something else...?" his voice trailed off.

"Edward...I just need to think...I can't return like that. You know that,"I sighed,"At least for now. I wish to speak alone with you until I make up my mind. I don't think I could handle your family right now. To many emotions would rise up and cause more harm that anything good."

"Of course. We alone _now_ aren't we?" he hinted slightly as he talked, making my face blush a darker red. Again with _that_. But he was still a man...he had needs, but no! Now is not the time.

"Edward!"

"Sorry, I was just joking. But we _are_ alone. Anything you want to say, or should I leave?" he questioned, letting go of my wrists, my body tensed up. I knew he meant nothing wrong by what he meant, but the last time he said that is when we...

I looked up at him, there was a wide smile on his face as he looked at me, waiting patiently for my answer. I sighed in defeat,"I want to say is that...," and I lost my words...again. God, why must you torture me, making me looked like an idiot who can't even talk. For another reason I kept quite, I had no more words left my mind.

"Is...?" Edward teased, dragging his own words out like I had.

"Don't mock me! I can't remember, okay?" I huffed a bit, trying to look angry, but I knew I must just look stupid.

"Oh I wasn't, love," he mused, now playing with my hair,"Take your time coming back, I won't rush you. But while we are here...," his voice trailed off as he ran his lips over mine. Oh how I longed for those lips to be on mine. My logical side was screaming at me to stop it before anything got further, but this is what _I_ really wanted. His mouth moved with mine as me hands moved up to his hair. Memories flooded my mind...of our first kiss, our first time...

I let the urge take over my body, I couldn't deny it any longer. Edward noticed quickly. His right hand traced my side, sending more chills through me. He repeated his movements a few times until he took his hand and put it under my shirt, growing near my chest. He pressed against me more, I could only feel more of the urge inside growing more and more...

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**AN: **Woot! Done...sorry people, no nasty in this, but you get the idea. 


	6. Important: Read!

**AN**: Sorry, but I might have to take longer with this story. We are getting rid of the Internet, so it might take _much_ longer than it already has been. I'm so terribly sorry to anyone who likes this story, but I will keep with it and try to post as many chapters as I can.


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